


What's It Like? Being Left Behind

by VVSIGNOFTHECROSS



Series: It's My World, You Can't Have it. [6]
Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-04
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-11-23 07:24:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,016
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11397816
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VVSIGNOFTHECROSS/pseuds/VVSIGNOFTHECROSS
Summary: The hour is approaching and Caitlin continues to battle with herself.





	What's It Like? Being Left Behind

_You know life would be so much easier if you just let me out. I know you want to, you know you want to. Just let me out and everything will be fine. You won’t have to look at Julian and see another failed relationship, you won’t have to look at Iris and see another friend die. You won’t have to look at HR and see the man who took Ronnie from you. You won’t have to look at Barry and see the man who made us. You won’t have to look at Cisco and see…_ Stop!

Caitlin ran a hand through her hair and sighed. There were days when she really despised herself, days when she would wake up and feel the call for heat, the desire to destroy things, that signalled that Frost was a presence waiting to be stirred, just waiting for her to slip up. The necklace was broken, the bracelets didn’t work, now it was all her. She fought every day to make sure Frost never escaped. It was difficult, but she managed. She looked at the bed next to her, where Cisco was sleeping. As things got more tense as the deadline approached, they were all spending a lot of time in Star Labs, working, planning and plotting. Doing whatever they could to make sure that Savitar never got his hands-on Iris.

It was hard work but they were managing. Tracey was a good scientist, smart, clever, there were times when Caitlin felt jealous. It seemed as though the team didn’t need her anymore, and then Cisco would say something, or smile at her and she’d push those thoughts away. Even if they didn’t need her, she needed them and Cisco needed her and she needed him. And that was all that mattered as far as she was concerned. There was movement behind her and she turned to see Iris standing in the doorway. “Hey.” Caitlin said softly. Things between her and Iris were warming up again, and Caitlin understood there was still a lot of work to be done before things were back to normal.

“Hey.” Iris replied just as softly. She nodded at Cisco and asked. “How is he?” Caitlin knew the others knew something wasn’t right with Cisco, that he was unwell, but they didn’t know what exactly, and Cisco had begged her not to say anything and so she’d respected his wishes.

She looked at Cisco and saw a slight frown on his face, he looked cute like this. “He’s alright, tired. I know we all are.”

Iris nodded. “Yeah.” There was a brief pause and then she asked. “What was he like?”

It didn’t a genius to figure out who Iris was on about. Caitlin took a moment to think through her interactions with the time remnant and then answered. “Angry. Very angry. It was as if he lived and breathed for the anger he felt. And there was something of a sadness in him as well. He wasn’t Barry.”

Iris nodded again, then looked at her pointedly. “What about you? How are you doing?”

Caitlin felt odd, why was Iris asking about her? She wasn’t the one with a death sentence hanging over her head, but still she answered. “I’m alright. Better than I was. I think I’m getting the hang of controlling these urges.” _Liar._ “It’s a struggle, but it’s one I’m willing to undergo.” With Cisco at her side, she hoped. She didn’t know if she’d be able to do this without him.

“And you and Julian?” Iris asked.

“Friends. I think that’s all we were ever meant to be.” Caitlin replied. Iris said nothing again and they just basked in silence looking at Cisco, the rise and fall of his chest, the strained look on his face as he slept. Vaguely, Caitlin remembered something he’d told her once when they’d be dealing with Thawne.

_“I got really scared. I thought I was gone, that I’d never see you again.”_

She’d hugged him then and told him he’d never lose her. Frost snorted somewhere inside her and she knew that they’d come closer to realising that then anyone here knew. Iris spoke again. “I think when everything is done, we’re all going to have to take a break. Get some fresh air and breathe for a while.”

“What does that mean for the wedding?” Caitlin asked, she knew how much the wedding meant to Iris, they’d talked about it a lot before.

“Well, we’ll have to wait and see. There’s no need to rush into anything now. We’ve got to be patient.” Iris replied calmly, though Caitlin could see the way her hands were shaking.

Caitlin nodded, got up and took Iris’ hands in hers and said firmly. “We’re going to get through this Iris, I promise you. And we’re going to get to the wedding and it will be brilliant.”

Iris gave her a watery smile which Caitlin did her best to return. “I know. Thanks.” There was a brief pause and then Iris turned and walked out of the room.

Caitlin turned around to see Cisco looking at her with a strange expression on his face, an expression that made her heart beat quicker. “What?” she asked.

Cisco smiled. “Nothing. Just…I missed you.”

Caitlin laughed. “Cisco, we’ve been working side by side for the past two weeks nonstop, we’ve hung out here more often than we did before.”

“I know.” Cisco said softly, and Caitlin softened. She moved to the bed and took his hand in hers and squeezed.

“I promise, I’m not going anywhere, Cisco.” Caitlin said soothingly, even though Frost was laughing in her head. She knew she couldn’t leave, she wouldn’t leave. Not until all of this was sorted, and even then she might not leave.

“I know, I just, I don’t know.” Cisco replied softly, before he asked. “Do you want to watch a movie later?”

Caitlin nodded. “I’d love nothing more than that.” Cisco smiled at her and Caitlin smiled in return, knowing all the while that things might not go according to plan.

 


End file.
